Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
