Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
