winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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