My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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