a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
