Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
