I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
