Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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