OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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