He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
