my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
