...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
