Is that why you're texting me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge