so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
