I heard we made out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
