Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
