??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
