imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
PANTIES FOUND
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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