I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Randomize
