I want to make a zoo with you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
