To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
