Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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