After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
