I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
