When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
