Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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