Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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