So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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