Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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