the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
