Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
