I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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