You just made me feel so damn special
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is my gift to your gina
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
