I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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