I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
