So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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