True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
