Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
