Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
