too bad you live with your parents still
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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