did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
