i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
