I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
