he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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