I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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