does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
