I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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