Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.