Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
