don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
