No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
