mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
