Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
