Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
