we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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