Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
