They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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