i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
