if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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