I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
