I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
everyone is single if you try hard enough
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
