I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
