If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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