so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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