just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
