I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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