I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
