Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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