I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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