I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
