she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
