someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
