So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
