did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
