Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
