Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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