who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
