youre lurking in front of me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
