I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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